Unsettled Loathing
by TheBlackSwallow
Summary: What would happen if Mikan found Natsume with another girl. She told him to vanish out of her life which he was willing to comply. Will she still miss him? If she does still miss him, would it be too late to take back what they said? Two-shot!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hello there everyone. I decided to make this not a one shot. So this is one of my first chaptered stories. I was supposed to put this before New Year's though so sorry. Happy Belated Mikan! I hope you enjoy it. Please review.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakeun Alice. Not even one bit.**

** Unsettled Loathing**

**-Mikan's POV-**

"Where is he?" was the thought that continued to go through my mind. Honestly, where in the world could he be? Where could my boyfriend be? Why can't I find Natsume.

Natsume, I don't know why but I feel something is wrong. I'm actually feeling pretty insecure right now. Lately Natsume has been missing for periods of time. I would then find him later with some excuse. I honestly would have believed his excuse when one day I actually checked out one of them. He once said that he was hanging with Ruka before when I clearly remembered Hotaru saying she had a date with Ruka at the exact time. Something was definitely up. I really need to talk to him not only about the times when he would go missing but also he promised me that we'll discuss what we will do on my birthday. He promised me that, yet where was he?

I was walking and looking everywhere. I even checked the sakura tree, now where to start. The whole school is huge. I could end up going around in circles for all I know. I sighed when I heard two voices. I could barely hear what they were saying. I followed the voices and as I neared I realized that Natsume was one of the voices. I was overjoyed and started to run towards the voices but I stopped in my tracks. I was in the forest and there Natsume was in a clearing. He was beside not Ruka, Koko or any of the guys. In fact he was not even with a guy. He was _with a girl_!! The thing was this girl wasn't any of the girls she knew, none of her familiar friends. Who was _she_??

I didn't know what to do. I was glued to the ground. I couldn't run away or move at all. I didn't even bother to hear what they said. I just decided to see how this girl looks like. I then surveyed and took in her appearance. She was a pretty, thin and tall girl but she wasn't as tall as Natsume. It was like the perfect height for Natsume. She had strawberry blonde hair and her hair was cut at just below the shoulder, nice and straight. It swayed as the wind blew. I then decided to check out her face. As I looked at it I felt my heart stop. I was amazed simply by her beauty. It was just amazing. It was like a painting from a famous painter. It was like Venus De Milo. It was…stunning. I observed that everything about her was perfect. I then looked at her eyes, her beautiful eyes. It shined brightly. She had bright blue eyes. Just like Ruka. It contrasted beautifully against Natsume's dark deep crimson eyes.

It was then that it hit me. Obviously this was why Natsume was missing all the time. Here I thought that he might have done something selfless by planning me a party. Instead it was something that was just horrible. He was_ cheating on me_. I could feel my heart completely stop with a jolt then it started beating crazily. It accelerated and there I felt blood rushing through. My face felt warm as the realization finally sunk in. A tear started to escape as I breathed in and out. Making sure that I was getting in the right amount so that I won't faint. What can I do now? I panicked. Natsume cheated on me for someone else who was completely and utterly beautiful.

I was completely angry. My body was shaking. The tears started pouring like waterfalls and I just wanted to collapse then and there but I couldn't. I didn't want to look bad in front of Natsume. I was stronger than that. I'll show that cheating jerk. I then shouted the first thing that popped in my head.

"I HATE YOU NATSUME HYUUGA!!" With that being said I started to run because I heard Natsume ask in an incredulous voice "Mikan?!?!"

I started running. Stumbling on the way, tearing parts of my clothes in the process, and even scraping parts of my body. Anything to get away from him. I just wanted to get away from _him. _Not being able to breathe any longer due to running and crying I stopped. Knowing I went really far. I then slumped on the tree to catch my breath when he suddenly jumped out of the tree in front of me. I screamed then tried to run away but he grabbed my arm.

"Honestly Mikan, You should give me more credit. I did pursuit works a lot harder than what you just gave me a while ago." He said obviously smirking while saying this.

I was furious. How dare he taunt me now? Just when he broke my heart. Doesn't he see me crying? "Don't touch me" I said harshly "Not after what just happened earlier. I can't believe you would do that?!?"

His eyes then became huge. "How much do you know?" Natsume said looking down with bangs covering his eyes. This shocked me. Was he actually admitting that he cheated on me? I just can't believe it. I was always hoping that maybe there was a misunderstanding or something. After finding my voice I spoke.

"I know enough" I simply stated. I mean who wouldn't figure it out. Anyone could figure it out. Did he actually think that I was that dense? Now I feel even worse. It's like he was giving insult to injury.

"Look…I know this may seem bad but…I can explain" Natsume said

"I don't want to hear anymore!! I don't need more stupid excuses from you. I heard enough after all these days" I then said. The nerve of him to say that to me! How could he ever explain why he cheated on me? Would he even dare lie to my face?

"Mikan…" Natsume then tried to apologize. I wasn't going to let him do that. I wouldn't fall into his trap. I had to let it all out now.

"I hate you!!" I then said before he could continue "You are huge jerk! I hate you so much!! To think even before my birthday, I find you cheating me!"

With this Natsume's eyes were full of different emotions that I couldn't understand. In honesty I just didn't care. Let him be full of regret for all I care. That's when he started to speak. "Look, Mikan you don't understand"

"Don't try to worm your way out of it" I then shouted at him. There he goes trying to make up and pretend like it was nothing. "What do you think I am?? Stupid? Did you actually think that I wouldn't realize it after all those times you went missing? Did you think that I wouldn't find out anyway so you don't have to worry of being caught? Well guess what Natsume. We're through!!! I don't want anything to do with you!!" I tried to say this while holding back all my tears. I just hoped I could keep up this façade of being strong, a little bit longer.

"Mikan! Stop this! I know you don't mean it" Natsume suddenly said with sorrow in his voice. Now he regrets it. It's too late. Nothing can make up for it now.

"Don't bother Natsume!" I said to him hoping he'll stop by now "I want it more than you know! In fact I don't want to see your face ever again. It just causes me pain! In fact I just wish you could vanish out of thin air. I even wish that you never existed!! At least that way I wouldn't have felt any pain from you."

That did it. With that Natsume looked down and released his grip on my arm. Just as I thought he was going to leave he muttered something. Without even looking up he simply said "Do you really want this?"

I was startled. He just won't leave me alone! "Yes" I was able to say after a long pause of thinking. If saying yes would get him out of my face then I'll be happy to oblige. I don't ever want to see him anymore.

With that 'Yes' Natsume then turned around without looking at me. He started to walk deeper in the forest. Just as he was about to vanish into the forest he stopped. I then heard him say these sentences. "If you really want that, then consider it as your birthday present. From this day on, I promise I will vanish out of your life."

* * *

As tomorrow dawned I woke up with a massive headache. Normally I was supposed to feel excited after all it _is_ my birthday but today was different. I had earned a headache from crying my heart out last night. I was sulking over Natsume. I was shocked over the turn of events that happened yesterday, the discovery, the lies, the run, the fight and the promise. It was too much for me to handle all at once. I had a thought to just cancel everything but I knew better. I'm fine without him and I can't wait to show him just that. I was better than that. I wouldn't let someone as stupid as Natsume try to ruin me.

I stood up then simply did my daily routine. Luckily today was a Friday and it was half day. I didn't like the idea of partying late at night and waking up really early in the morning for school. I just wanted to relax and not worry about school. I also just have to get through half a day of school then I'm good to go.

That's when it hit me. Half a day of school means half a day sitting beside him. I wonder if I can make it through the day. I know I wouldn't bother talking to him and try to ignore him but I would still see him. Well, if I'm going to see him I must as well make myself look better. It would be perfect proof that I'm fine. With that set to my mind I walked up to my mirror and tried to decide what to do with myself. In the end, I didn't do anything. I realized that I wasn't good at make up or anything to try to enhance my beauty. I sweatdropped seeing that I just wasted all this time to find out it will lead me to no avail. I just sighed then told myself to keep on smiling and pretend like nothing happened. I then turned to the door of my bed room then prepared myself for the internal battle that will come soon.

* * *

As I was about to enter the door before me I took a deep breath. Today is my birthday and I should be ecstatic. I should show to everyone that I'm someone who is strong, that nothing is wrong and everything is just perfect. I then placed a smile on my face then entered the room. The moment the door opened the noise of the class greeted me. It felt warming and pleasant hearing the sound that I loved. Today people were noisier than usual because it's the New Year. They were probably all excited to see the fireworks tonight. I wonder how it's going to be like tonight.

Back to the situation at hand I smiled the best I could and greeted everyone warmly. I also thanked every single person who would greet me. In the end it became a great way to stall time till I went to my seat which meant stalling me from seeing Natsume. Perfect! This way I wouldn't have to get so angry at someone so early in the morning.

Sadly not all good things can last and I finally reached my seat. I was getting ready to put on my happy face to show Natsume when I finally realized something. Natsume was missing. There was no trace of the boy or his manga. Instead what remained was an empty seat. For some reason I felt sad. Did he really mean it when he said that it will be as if he doesn't exist? Then again, why should I care? There I was pondering when I noticed another thing. There was Ruka except something seemed wrong. Ruka wasn't smiling his warm smile or greeting me either Happy New Year or Happy Birthday. There Ruka was simply staring into space which definitely showed that he was troubled with something. Could it be about Natsume? It's not that I care it's just that I'm worried for Ruka that's all.

"Ruka?" I finally said after observing him "What's wrong?"

My voice apparently startled him. He was too into his thoughts that he probably didn't even notice me coming into the room. He then looked at me. "Oh Sakura, I didn't see you! Happy New Year and Happy Birthday to you"

Once he said this I knew something was wrong. His voice was definitely implying that he was sad over something. What could ever make Ruka act like this? Just as I was about to ask him the bell had rung. I decided to ask him later after class.

* * *

I wasn't able to ask Ruka what was wrong because before I could ask he was already gone. It seemed as if he was in some hurry. I wonder where he could have gone. Oh well, There's no use worrying. I have to get ready anyway. Hotaru said that she had something planned for tonight. In fact she apparently was so busy planning it that she had to miss class. She didn't have to worry about missing classes though. Her grades wouldn't have changed even if she missed a whole month. She would still do better than I do. The thing is that I have no idea what she planned for me. I wonder what we're going to do.

I then started to walk to my room but for some reason I took a route which made me pass by the Sakura tree. I don't know why but I just wanted to see it maybe because I wanted to see if he would keep his promise or maybe even just seeing a glimpse of him. Sadly, when I went to the Sakura tree Natsume was nowhere to be found. I sighed thinking that maybe he was hanging out with that girl. With the thought of that girl coming to my mind I instantly rushed to my room. I just don't want to care anymore what is happening between Natsume and that girl. It's definitely none of my business neither do I want it to be mine.

I was thinking so much that before I knew it I was in front of my room. I then reached out for the door knob but somebody from inside already opened it and pulled me in.

"Finally you came, you idiot!" shouted Sumire

"Sumire?" I asked surprised by her appearance in my room. What was she doing here? That's when I looked around my room. I found Sumire, Anna, Nonoko and Hotaru all there. I then observed to find that the room now contained make up and dresses. I raised my eyebrows knowing what's going to happen next. It was simple. We were going to have a make over.

"Now don't give us that look" Sumire said replying to my expression on my face. "We waited for you! We're going to go to your birthday party. Come on! We have to dress up soon. We can't be too late for your own party."

I looked around to see the bright eyes of Nonoko and Anna anticipating for me to say yes. I bet they're excited to do each other's make up. I then looked at Hotaru who was surprisingly giving me a tiny smile. I looked at all my friends then smiled back. Maybe through this I can forget about Natsume. Maybe just maybe I can have fun and forget about my anger towards him.

* * *

It was breathtaking the moment I stepped into the gym where my party was held. It was so perfect. From the way we looked to the way how the gym looked. Hotaru really worked hard on trying to make this place incredible and she didn't fail. I looked at each one of us who all had on the same strapless gown but with their own specified colors. Our clothes were elegant and sweet which fitted in perfectly the theme of the party. Simply, my party's theme revolved around the music video of one of my favorite songs, Love Story. The moment I saw that video I fell in love with it. The idea of princesses, dance balls, gardens and not to mention the escape with the one you loved entranced me.

Apparently somehow Hotaru found out about it and tried to make it resemble what I wanted and even did much better than I imagined it. There was a beautiful tree wrapped with lights right in the middle. Its branches stretching over the dance floor even had these beautiful lanterns hanging on them. Later on, people would have to dance around it. It gave a magical feeling to the place as if we were in some enchanted forest. The walls of the gym were changed into marble bricks and had vines hanging on it to imitate a wall of a castle. Then there were towering white doors with curtains swiftly blowing in the wind leading out to the balconies overlooking the Northern Woods and paths lined with candles leading to the gardens which Hotaru graciously decorated. The gardens even had rose gardens and fountains. In short it was as if a little girl's princess dream came to life. The perfect setting was something that would have made me feel as if I was really a princess. Everything was perfect. Well…almost everything. I was still a little angry over what had happened. I wonder if I will ever forgive Natsume.

I shook my head as I looked at Hotaru. I was able to catch a hint of worry on her face but the next moment she wiped it clean. She then walked towards me. I wonder if she'll ask me what's wrong.

"Hey idiot" she said while hitting my head "It's your birthday stupid. Stop worrying and relax." I decided to take her advice then continued smiling. She's right. It's my birthday! I should enjoy it. Natsume shouldn't be the reason why my birthday will be ruined.

I then enjoyed my party as much as I could. I smiled and greeted to everyone I see. I was having fun luckily without Natsume in sight. I danced the night and even talked to people who I've never met. I had so much fun. The music was just perfect. It was fun to dance to not to mention Hotaru picked them so she would have known which songs were my favorite to dance to. I was even asked by some boys. This was surely something because usually boys would be scared to talk to me because of Natsume.

I wasn't really interested into dancing with any of those other boys who I didn't even know. I was about to decline when:

"Come on Mikan!!" said Anna urging me to dance

"Yeah Mikan, Go on have fun!!" Sumire agreed with Anna.

"No guys. I'm ok." I said sheepishly. I just didn't feel like it.

"Don't tell me you're still set up on Natsume" Sumire then questioned me. Now they pushed too far.

"No! What makes you think that" I replied. I mean come on! Just because I don't want to dance with them doesn't mean it has to be about Natsume.

"Well then, go!" Sumire told me

"Fine!" I said. Just so that she can stop accusing and this way she'll know that I'm fine without Natsume.

I took the boy's hand but in the process I felt weird. It just didn't feel right. I then saw a flash of crimson. I looked up for some reason and I have no idea but I was happy. The mood I had suddenly became sad when I found out it was somebody's dress. Honestly, whoever wore crimson must be some show off. Doesn't she know that crimson just catches other people's attention?

The boy led me to the middle of the dance floor. There the music started then we danced. Again came this feeling of awkwardness. I have no idea why I'm still feeling this. Maybe it's because I'm dancing with this person who I don't even know. Yeah…that's why!!

While I was thinking I felt as if hot air just passed me. I looked up expecting something but I just realized that we were just going near the lights on the tree. I must remind Hotaru to fix those lights. They might end up overheating.

That's when I realized that the song that I was dancing to had come to an end. Oops, lost myself there. I have no idea what got over me. The boy nicely then led me back to my seat where my friends were. My friends (except for Hotaru) on the other hand were eyeing me. When I said goodbye to the boy they suddenly burst out into an interrogation.

"What in the world happened?!?!" asked Sumire "Why were just staring into space?? It's as if you were a zombie or something"

"It's about Natsume isn't it" asked Nonoko. Again with the Natsume, I don't need him people. I'm fine without him.

"It's not about Natsume, I told you guys, I don't care about him anymore!" I shouted causing some people to look at me.

Anna and Nonoko looked at each other and Sumire rolled her eyes. "Ok…What are you guys thinking?" I asked frustrated

They all said the same thing "Denial" They are making me snap.

"I'm not in denial!!" I defended "How stubborn do you guys have to be??"

"Sure, Mikan" Anna said "If you don't mind the three of us will dance, ok? You'll be fine on your own right?"

"Yeah, yeah!" I replied "I don't need anyone to baby sit me."

"Well, if you're sure" Nonoko then said and all three of them left.

I then sat down placing my head on the table. I just feel so angry and frustrated. I also feel so…hurt. I shouldn't care. Why should I? It's definitely not because of Natsume. Then somebody touched my shoulder. I then sat up straight and asked "Natsume?". To my dismay it was simply Hotaru who had her eyebrows raised in question.

"Oh, sorry Hotaru" I then meekly said "I just thought…"

"You know, you shouldn't lie to me." Hotaru interrupted "I can tell." Great…now even Hotaru thinks that I'm lying.

I didn't want to restart again so I decided to change the subject. "Anyway Hotaru, I just want to tell you that this is a great party"

"Nice try Mikan" Hotaru then said. Darn! She saw past it.

"I'm not kidding Hotaru. I really love the party. It's amazing how much you did for me. How were you able to figure out exactly what I wanted?" I tried to change the topic once again.

"Well, I did have some help." Hotaru then said

"Really?" I said with surprise "Who helped you?"

"Natsume" Hotaru simply replied

Natsume? Natsume helped Hotaru? Natsume helped do all of this? Natsume actually did something like that? Natsume did something as great as this for me?

Once Hotaru said that name, I felt horrible. I felt a surge of emotion. I felt dizzy and confused. I felt…tears. I started to cry…crying not because he cheated on me...crying not because of anger but because of him. I remembered all of those times we had together. I remembered all of the good times and even the bad. I would remember that even if I did stupid things he would always to try to fix it. He would always let me talk. I would remember every simple thing that he did, anything even the irritating parts were the ones that I loved about him.

In the end, I then cried because of one simple thing: I missed him and I still was terribly in love with him.

I cried and luckily Hotaru was there. Surprisingly she actually gave her shoulder for me to cry on. After who knows how long I decided on something. I tried to dry my tears and faced Hotaru.

"I need to talk to him" I finally said after trying to stop my sobbing. "I just want to talk it out. I miss him and I don't want it to end like that"

Surprisingly Hotaru eyes then showed a different look. It was a look of pity. Something didn't feel right.

"Sakura?" asked a voice that I knew all too well.

"Ruka!!" I shouted joyfully. Surely Ruka would know where Natsume is. "Look! Ruka! I need to find Natsume. I just want to talk to him. Even though our relationship might not be the same I don't want to end up hating him forever. I really miss him so can you please tell me where he is?"

At that moment both Hotaru and Ruka glanced at each other with worry and sadness in their eyes. Ruka then took a deep breath then looked at me.

"Mikan, we have something to tell you" Hotaru then said

"It's about Natsume" Ruka continued "I'm sorry but we promised him not to tell you but I guess we have to tell you now."

**Disclaimer: I do not own "Love story" by Taylor Swift. Note the 'by Taylor Swift'.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello there. This is the last chapter of my two-shot. Thank you so much for reading it and hopefully even reviewing. Hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Gakuen Alice.**

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* * *

  
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**-Mikan's P.O.V.-**

Here I am running, running for my life. I have to get to him. I need to get to the dorms. Why must this academy be so big?

I have to get to him before it's too late.

Please, please don't let it be too late.

**-Natsume's P.O.V-**

I scanned the room before me. To think that I actually will have to leave this place, the place I lived in since I was eight. I remember before when I would have given anything to escape out of this academy. Now, I wish I could stay longer but I can't. I can't stay. I can't afford to stay if staying means hurting her in the process. I don't know why it ended like this but I guess it can't be helped. I guess it really is for the best.

After all, yesterday was surely something that I never expected.

**-Flashback-**

How annoying is it that just when I thought my mission was to be over with I'm confronted with her, the supposedly stunning strawberry blonde girl. Who is this girl? Well it's none other than Ruriko, another dangerous ability class. I just completely hate her. Why? Well, it's because she is one of the academy's lap dogs. She practically follows all the rules and thinks anyone who is a rule breaker should be punished _severely_.

She's a very powerful telepath. Her power is needed in the dangerous ability class because this way she can send for help or tell urgent missions right away. She simply connects your brain to hers and she can tell you right away. She's like the post office of the academy. The reason why she's in the dangerous ability class? Well it's because with her power she can get into someone's head easily and she can easily mess with that person's mind. This then can cause the person to become crazy.

The problem is if she can simply send me messages. Why is she here? What message is so important that she needs to see me face to face?

"I can read your mind you know" Ruriko spoke

"Then if you can" I replied "I bet I don't need to repeat myself"

"So you only think I'm 'supposedly stunning' huh?" she continued. Boy is she thick. I really don't have time for this. I have to find Mikan before she goes looking for me again. I swear it's like she's getting smarter. I might have to worry about lying to her now. Who knows? One day she might figure it out.

"If you have nothing to say to me" I said impatiently. I was about to take a step going the other way.

"They are giving you an offer" she simply said which made me look back at her. They're giving me an offer huh?

"Yes, they are" Ruriko replied to my thoughts. She's even more annoying then Koko. "Anyway before you continue bashing me" she said slyly. Geez, now I wish I could just burn her.

"Get on it" I said. I don't have enough time for this. I better think of another excuse soon.

"You're needed abroad" she finally said.

What she said surely surprised me. They want me to go abroad…why? I thought I made an agreement. I would continue doing mission whenever I want to, now that the evil elementary principal is gone. That's right. I _choose_ to do missions although Mikan doesn't know that. If Mikan knew I was still doing mission she would get super furious at me. It's just I'm making sure that the other threats outside of the academy don't go anywhere near this school, no where near those who I love.

What about my 4th type of alice? Don't worry. Mikan took care of that. With her stealing alice she was able to separate the part of my alice which was killing me. It's a good thing she got better in using her alice but in the process of training herself I ended up being the person she practiced on. I had to lose my alice many times with all the failed attempts she had. Anyway, back to the point. Why would I go abroad? I want to protect those I love but why in the world would I leave them?

"So you can protect them even more" Ruriko I glared at her. Honestly maybe they should send her away. This way it will be more peaceful.

"Anyway, before you answer my last thought" I quickly said before she was able to read my mind. "I decline from that offer."

"Tsk tsk…Such a shame" she said "I heard that they really need you out there. In fact they're even asking for a permanent stay there."

"I'm sorry but I prefer to protect them but still stay close to home" I said coldly. To even think, I have to go away and even permanently. I don't think I can take that.

"Well, if you change your mind." She said smiling "The offer still stays until tomorrow night."

"Don't think I need to know" I replied. Why would I need it? "Well if there's nothing else I'll just be goi—"

"I HATE YOU NATSUME HYUUGA!!" was what I heard coming from somewhere. I quickly looked over to see at the edge of the woods, Mikan who suddenly turned to run. In my shock at her sudden shouting all I could say was a "Mikan?!?!"

I wonder what's wrong with her. What's with the moodiness? I guess I'll have to find out why she hates me though. I didn't care at all if I was being rude. I left Ruriko without a single goodbye to chase Mikan. I need to sort whatever brought out her outburst.

I quickly went into the forest and jumped from tree to tree. I was able to effortlessly follow her path. Trust me, go through the missions I've been through and this one would definitely be a breeze.

After sometime I saw that Mikan finally stopped. What was strange though was that she was slumped on a tree and her heavy breathing sounded like sobbing. I couldn't see if she was crying though. Sadly her hair was covering her eyes.

I decided to jump in front of her. Mikan was apparently shocked with what I did. She screamed like an idiot and tried to run away. I sighed. I was able to grab her arm before she went running away again. Besides, even if she ran away I can always catch her once again. It's just going to be a waste of our time. I better tell her right now so she can stop struggling.

"Honestly Mikan, You should give me more credit. I did pursuit works a lot harder than what you just gave me a while ago." I told her. I wonder if Mikan can realize this sooner or later. I don't feel like doing a game of cat and mouse right after the mission I had.

Then something happened. Her eyes, there was something wrong with her eyes. It puzzled me but it looked like it was full of anger and…hate. "Don't touch me" she said harshly "Not after what just happened earlier. I can't believe you would do that?!?"

This shocked. I felt my eyes grow in astonishment. She knows?? Does she know that I've been doing missions? Great, now I'm in for it. I wonder if she knows that I've been doing them by my own will. "How much do you know?" I decided to ask. I looked down. I just don't want her to glare at me with those eyes. I never knew she would react this way when she found out.

"I know enough" she finally said. Great, she's really angry. She had to answer with that tone. It wasn't the tone one would wish to hear. I guess I have to tell her why I'm doing this. Maybe if she isn't stubborn I can tell her and try to calm her down.

"Look…I know this may seem bad but…I can explain" I said. I just hope she listens. I don't want her to get angry on the day before her birthday.

"I don't want to hear anymore!! I don't need more stupid excuses from you. I heard enough after all these days" she then said. Brilliant, she's going to be stubborn. This might take pretty long. Well…who can blame her? I guess the fact that I've been lying to her must have put more fuel to the fire. She's probably annoyed that I wasn't honest with her. I just hate how somehow she makes me feel guilty for this. I better try to tell her before she gets too stubborn that I won't be able to get her to listen.

"Mikan…" I tried to start off but before I was able to say anything else she cut me off.

"I hate you!!" she "You are huge jerk! I hate you so much!! To think even before my birthday, I find you cheating me!" Wait a minute! Cheating? I never cheated on her? Where in the world could she ever get the idea that I was cheating on her. Unless…she probably thought I was cheating with Ruriko. Knowing Mikan, that was probably the reason.

"Look, Mikan you don't understand" I said. That idiot, must she always come up with stupid accusations. She really is pretty stupid. At least she isn't angry for something I did though. I better calm her down before she blows up even more. I have to tell her the truth.

"Don't try to worm your way out of it" she shouted at me. "What do you think I am?? Stupid? Did you actually think that I wouldn't realize it after all those times you went missing? Did you think that I wouldn't find out anyway so you don't have to worry of being caught? Well guess what Natsume. We're through!!! I don't want anything to do with you!!"

When those words sunk in I couldn't believe it. Mikan couldn't possible want that, could she? I could feel my world crashing and burning, as if the sun was about to go off.

"Mikan! Stop this! I know you don't mean it" I said. I know she's just blinded with hate. I know that this can't be right. She can't possibly hate me that much. She's just angry thinking that I cheated on her. I bet it will all be over once I tell it to her.

"Don't bother Natsume!" she said "I want it more than you know! In fact I don't want to see your face ever again. It just causes me pain! In fact I just wish you could vanish out of thin air. I even wish that you never existed!! At least that way I wouldn't have felt any pain from you."

My heart felt as if it was pierced by each hateful word she said. Was it true? Did I cause her so much pain? That deep down in her heart, deep, deep down, she always was hurt by me. At that moment, I knew my only light in the dark died. That the one who always was there to heal me, was always being wounded by me.

I looked down at the ground not wanting to see her face, her face which was probably full of the torture I have been giving her. I released my grip on her arm, not wanting to taint her. I wasn't good enough for her and I was sure that the longer I stay with her, the longer she would be dragged down with me. Just as I was about to leave I muttered something, the very something that would judge what would happen next. I asked a critical question that needed to be said to make things final. I still did not leave my gaze of the ground, the ground which was inviting me to drop on when I asked. "Do you really want this?"

After a long pause of waiting she finally said the word that I dreaded so much to hear. "Yes" was what rung in my head. I hurt her and I can never forgive myself for that. I can at least try to make it up to her by making sure that I won't get the chance to do it ever again.

I turned towards the dark forest. The forest for some reason felt as if I was walking back to the darkness I tried so hard to leave behind. Without Mikan, nothing will stop me now from what was set for me. Each step I took resounded in my head again and again. As much as I didn't want to let go of her, I had no choice.

I decided to tell her something, making sure to choose my last words to her correctly. I could truthfully never say a goodbye to her. After all, what would a goodbye mean to her anyway if she hated me? I need words that bring on no sentimental value at all. This way I can easily slip out of her life. Because this is what she wanted, even if it kills me, just for her, I would do that. "If you really want that, then consider it as your birthday present. From this day on, I promise I will vanish out of your life." I finally said. I disappeared into the woods right after I said these words. As I disappeared in the woods I knew that my hope had disappeared with me.

* * *

I slowly went up the steps leading to the dorms. The steps that seemed too steep and high and it seemed as if it took forever till I finally reached the door. I stared at the door with half the mind to go back and tell her it was all a mistake. The thing is I can't. I hurt her way more than just that one time. I hurt her and I'm sure that later on I will continue to hurt her in ways that I can never repair. In deciding this I took a deep breath and pushed the door.

I walked down the halls, the long halls that seemed to stretch on. Why is it that everything must seem so long? Was it a twisted fact of life that whenever you experience such emotions of sadness and depression, you end up having your life stretched on so that you can be tormented even longer?

Finally I was able to reach my destination place. I was about to knock on the door in front of me but the door already opened.

There she stood the strawberry blonde, the telepath in front of me. I wondered if I should even bother telling her why I'm here. If she knew I was coming surely she should know why I'm here. At the moment she read my mind because her face broke into this dazzling smile. A smile that was nothing compared to the one that I loved so much, a smile that I will soon have to forget about.

"It's ok Natsume" she said. "I'm sure you can find someone outside there" she then put her hand on my cheek as if she was enjoying this. I would have swatted her hand right away but I didn't feel like it at all. I found it useless.

"Poor heart broken Natsume, I feel sorry for you." She continued finally removing her hand off my cheek "Anyway…you better say your goodbyes. I'm sad to say you're scheduled to leave tomorrow night exactly at 11:45. It wouldn't matter to you anyway. I can see that you think that the sooner you leave the better."

* * *

**-End of Flashback-**

It was 11:30. I have around 10 minutes to finish packing and then five minutes to meet at the gate where I will be accompanied to the outside. I sighed and sat at my bed. My head was full of the memories and events. Was there anyway for me to avoid it all? If only…if only I could have turned back time to try to avoid her. If only I could have stayed away so that she never had to be a part of all of this. I closed my eyes breathing in and out. I recalled when I told Hotaru about what happened.

I smirked when I remembered that she came bursting in through the door with this huge bazooka to get revenge for Mikan. I didn't feel like fighting or explaining it at all so I simply sat on my bed and prepared for the pain. I deserved it anyway after all the times I've hurt Mikan in the past. As I stared and continued thinking I realized that the pain never came instead there was Hotaru putting down her weapon and closing the door. Apparently my expression and the look on my eyes told her that something happened. Before she could annihilate me apparently she wanted to hear the whole story. I told her my side and then she was about to stand up to tell Mikan. There I told Hotaru not to do anything. I made sure that Hotaru wouldn't try to bring up a painful memory like me when she would talk with Mikan later on. Then she replied by saying that I can't just continue hiding from her forever. Sadly Hotaru doesn't know that I could. I simply looked at Hotaru and just that look told her that I was indeed going to do that. I even remember that before I told her what I was going to do she asked me by saying "Hyuuga, What have you done?"

That Hotaru was definitely a sharp girl, completely opposite of that dense Mikan. Well, opposites do attract which probably brought them on to be friends. Mikan is lucky to have a friend like Hotaru who can blast those who hurt her with huge weapons. Speaking of friends…I remember how it felt talking to Ruka.

I told him right away after I had struck the deal. We ended up on the roof for hours knowing that it might be one of the last times we will spend with each other. We didn't need to talk too much because that was how our friendship was. Whether silent, laughing, talking, everything was something memorable and special. Ruka and I both enjoyed this since I knew him and he knew me. Neither one of us needed to always fill the silence.

I remember that at the times when we broke the silence. Ruka was trying to convince me not to do it. He knew it was futile but he still needed to do that. He just had to try even if there was no hope. I simply had to explain it to him once again and gave him another one of my looks. Ruka, knowing who I am finally decided not to pursue discouraging me. After a moment of silence I then told him to take care of Mikan while I was gone. I asked him to watch over her and to make sure that he protects her. Ruka then looked at me with pain in his eyes and promised. I told Ruka that I will try to contact him as much as I can and once he gets out of here I will meet up with him. Although that's years in the future, Ruka said that he would wait for that day to come. I can come back by then right; after all, I was going away from Mikan not Ruka. After that promise I made him, he tried to smile as much as he could but I knew he was till hurting inside. I was hurting too. I had to say goodbye to the only true, best friend I had.

I finally stood up and decided to finish my packing. I got the last of my clothes in my drawer and put them into my bag. After fitting them in and putting the other stuff I decided to bring with me I zipped up my bag. I then looked at the desk beside my bed. There stood a frame with a picture of me and Mikan. I sighed, knowing that I would leave that picture. I have to disappear out of her life and in the process I know she will disappear out of mine. I looked at the clock it was already 11: 37. 3 minutes till I leave to go to the gate.

I looked at the window and looked at the place where a bright light was emitting from. Most likely it was Mikan's party. I just hope she enjoys it. Hotaru and I took quite some time planning it. Not to mention doing all of that didn't come without a price. Hopefully I was right on the love story plan. Now it's 11:38…guess I should start to leave now. I took one final look through the window and started to get my bag.

'WHACK'! Just as I was about to carry my bag something hit my head from the back. I was starting to feel a lump growing and looked to see what hit me. If I found out that the object was thrown by someone they would have hell to pay. I finally located the item after I scanned the room. It found that it was a high heeled shoe much like…oh no.

I know that shoe. I've seen Hotaru pick it out. I didn't care about the clothes but I remember her asking me about Mikan's. That high heeled shoe in front of was definitely the one that Hotaru picked for her. My eyes widened as heavy breathing was clear to me now.

"YOU IDIOT!!" she suddenly erupted causing me to turn to look at her.

**-Normal P.O.V.-**

"Any normal guy would have told their girlfriend that it was a mistake!!" Mikan was shouting loudly. "But no!!! You instead decide to keep that to yourself and leave to go abroad and never come back!!!" Mikan was annoyed. She was not annoyed but more like furious. She was also exhausted since she ran all the way to the dorms with high heels hoping that she could reach Natsume in time. It was good thing that she made it just before he left.

"Well, I'm sorry but apparently you said that you never wanted me to exist" Natsume said softly. He was surprised because he was not expecting to hear from her ever again. Then here she comes throwing shoes at him when his back was turned and making his head ache even more by shouting.

"I was angry you idiot!!!" Mikan then said "I didn't mean them because I was just furious that you would cheat on me."

"I still hurt you" Natsume defended. Angry or not he knew that those words might have come out of somewhere.

"You only hurt me idiot because I thought you cheated on me, which you didn't!" she said. Mikan was shouting with all her might trying to let Natsume see that what he did was completely stupid.

"Mikan, I've been lying to you" Natsume then said. 'If the cheating wouldn't hurt her then I guess this would' he thought. "You see all this time I've been…"

"You've been doing missions" Mikan finished before Natsume could finish "I know. Although I'm a little angry I find that so much more relieving than finding out that you cheated on me."

"Ruka told you didn't he?" Natsume said. Mikan then replied with a nod. Natsume knew that his friend would end up telling sooner or later. He should have left earlier. He doesn't want to have this conversation with her, not one bit. "Mikan, I'm sorry but…I'm still going" With Natusme's words Mikan's eyes widened.

"But why?!?!" she said panicking "You have no reason to leave!! It was just a fight! I really didn't mean it. I was just confused and full of anger that it made me say those words. Natsume you had never hurt me so it's ok."

"If I didn't hurt you before then maybe I will later on." Natsume said "Mikan, I might end up hurting you in the end and I don't want that. You don't understand how much it hurt me to see your face in so much pain. I don't want to ever be the cause of it again."

"Then don't! I'll make sure that you won't hurt me like that. You won't hurt me. I know you won't." Mikan said her heart beating up thinking that it may turn up horribly.

"Mikan, I'm sorry but…I'm not taking that chance" Natsume finally said. He picked up his bag and took some steps towards the door. Before he could get any farther Mikan stood in front of him, blocking his way.

"Did you know?" Mikan said trying to make sure that tears won't escape her eyes. "That even though I thought you cheated on me, I still loved you. Just ask Hotaru! I still missed you Natsume! I missed you even if I though I thought you hurt me. I missed you even though I told myself I didn't. I never want you out of my life! It's not the same Natsume." She said this as tears started to fall.

Natsume looked her in the eyes. Seeing her sadness and her tears made him want to stay. The thing is he knew it would be for Mikan's own good that he stays away from her. Natsume simply hugged Mikan and kissed her on the forehead. Natsume then stepped aside and went towards the door.

Mikan looking at him in sadness then begged him "Natsume, please, please. Please don't leave. I need you with me"

"No Mikan" Natsume then spoke to her as he put his hand on the doorknob, not looking back at her. "It's better if you don't stay with me."

Mikan couldn't take it anymore. She started crying really hard as Natsume was opening the door slowly because he was having thoughts about what he was doing. "Bye Mikan" he finally said.

Mikan was panicking as he opened the door fully. "He was going away out of my life. As if he wouldn't exist. Is this how Bella felt when Edward left her in New Moon?" was what was she was thinking when it hit her. New Moon? At that moment she devised a plan and she was going to try it since she had no other choice. Just as Natsume started to put his foot out of the room out she shouted at him. "If you leave, I'll be like Bella in New Moon" she shouted at him through the sobs.

To Mikan's surprise, Natsume stopped. Mikan grinned because she knew that even though Natsume never watched or read New Moon he must have remembered something about it from all the times she talked about it. The fact that Natsume stopped made Mikan more optimistic and decided to continue with her plan.

"Yeah, that's right! I'll be like Bella" she said tauntingly. With that Natsume then dropped his bag on the floor and turned to face Mikan. Natsume face was full of emotions but the most dominant one was anger. Natsume was glaring at Mikan.

"You wouldn't" Natsume said. Natsume knew all too well that this 'Bella' from that vampire story would do idiotic stuff just to hear her loved one's voice. He glared at the girl in front of him who had a smug face on. He looked at her face trying to see if there was any trickery in it.

"Oh…yes I would" Mikan said. She was obviously enjoying the fact that Natsume was probably panicking right now.

"You're bluffing" Natsume said. He won't just let Mikan stop him with these threats. Mikan wouldn't be the type to do that. Would she?

"Oh really?" Mikan said then she took off her other shoe and ran to the balcony. She then stood on the ledge of the balcony where she was tittering on the edge. Mikan then laughed once she saw the horror of Natsume's face when he realized that Mikan's threat could be real.

"Mikan, don't be an idiot! Get down from there!!" Natsume shouted. Honestly, would Mikan really try to kill herself? He thought. He just couldn't believe it yet for some reason deep down inside he feared that she could and would jump.

"Why should I? If I did you still wouldn't stay" she said trying to have fun with him. Mikan knew that Natsume would probably get really angry at her but she didn't care. She would rather have had him be angry then gone forever.

"Mikan will you quit being melodramatic. This isn't some movie now get down there before you accidentally fall off" he shouted. Knowing Mikan if she didn't jump she would slip off the ledge. Either way she would end up falling to her doom.

Mikan on the other hand was offended with the fact he said 'accidentally' "Woah Woah! You said '_accidentally_' does that mean you don't believe that I can jump."

"Please Mikan, I bet you'll be too scared if you would do that" Natsume said walking towards the door of the balcony.

"I can jump and I will" Mikan said eyeing Natsume. "In fact I will jump unless you promise to stay here with me."

"Please I would like to see you try" Natsume said. He finally decided that Mikan was probably just messing with him. She wouldn't just leave Hotaru and all her friends behind. She had so much more to live for.

"I'm giving you one last chance Natsume. If you don't I will jump." Mikan then said. She really hopes that the plan she made would work.

"Go on" Natsume said relaxed knowing that she was just stalling. He was now smirking at the fact that Mikan could think he could fall for such a trick.

"Ok then" Mikan finally said. With that Mikan smiled and fell backwards.

"WHAT THE!!!" Natsume shouted in panic and jumped over the ledge and fell along with her. Before they hit the ground Natsume carried Mikan who had closed her eyes, bridal style and then was able to swiftly land on the ground with a small thud. At that moment he was grateful for all the training he had. If it wasn't for the training he wouldn't have been able to do that at all.

Mikan then opened her eyes then smiled "Oh well" she said "I guess the balcony didn't work. I guess I need to find a bigger building."

"IDIOT!!" Natsume shouted. "YOU JUMPED!! You actually jumped!!" he continued his heart was beating because she could have ended up dead. What if he didn't catch her?

"Well, I guess you were wrong? You being with me, actually prevented me from getting hurt?" Mikan then said. She was smiling at Natsume.

"Don't you ever do that to me EVER AGAIN!" he said. He was completely furious. He never knew that she could be so suicidal.

"Well…" Mikan said "Maybe if you stay I wouldn't need to" She looked at Natsume straight in the eye. She didn't want him to let go of her and she didn't want to let go of him. She wanted it to be the both of them again.

"Mikan" Natsume sighed "Please don't" Natsume pleaded. He doesn't know if he should stay here or not with Mikan becoming a suicidal person. Would it really be better if he went?

"Believe it or not Natsume" Mikan then said sadly "It would cause me much more pain if you should ever leave me." Mikan could feel a tear escape at the corner of her eye. She didn't want to say goodbye to Natsume. She needed him and she still loved him with all her heart. She doesn't want it to end just because of misunderstanding. In fact she never wants it to end.

"Unless…" Mikan continued "You don't want to be with me" It was at that moment she realized that maybe Natsume was sick of her. She was the one who started this after all. If it wasn't for her then this wouldn't have happened in the first place.

Natsume was startled with what Mikan said to him. She was so wrong with what she said. Natsume was irritated with what she said. "That isn't true. I love you so much. In fact the reason I'm leaving is because I love you so much that I don't want you to be hurt by me."

"What makes you think that I'll believe that?" Mikan then said with more tears now spilling out of her eyes.

"I promise you Mikan. I love you so much. It's definitely not because I don't want to be with you. I always would want to be with you. You can have my word for it." He replied

"If that's so" Mikan continued. "Then why can't you take my word for it when I say that it would hurt me more if you go away?" Finally she reached the vital part of her plan.

Natsume was stumped. Mikan had him in a corner but all he could do was sigh. He checked the time and realized that it was 11:58. He was way late anyway.

Natsume then smiled and said "Well, looks like I have to stay. It is way past the time I was supposed to leave and—"Before Natsume could finish Mikan tackled him with a hug. She then rested her head on his shoulder. Oh how she missed his scent, his warmth, his touch. She missed everything about him. She even missed his constant teasing. It just didn't feel right without it being said to her everyday.

Natsume too missed the girl in his arms. He missed her scent of strawberries and tangerines. It was the scent that always reminded him of her. He hugged her realizing that he had almost let her go. When thinking it over he realized how hard that could have been without seeing her smile ever again. He would forever be in the dark that had engulfed him long ago. After some time Natsume looked at his watch and saw that it already 11:59. That's when it hit him.

"Hey, I forgot to greet you." Natsume said as he still held Mikan in his arms. "Happy Birthday, my suicidal girlfriends" he said teasingly.

"I'm not suicidal" Mikan said a little irritated knowing that Natsume might use that to tease her from now on.

"Oh really?" Natsume asked amused "Then what do you call jumping off a balcony?"

"It wasn't suicidal" Mikan replied "It wasn't because I knew you were going to catch me" she then flashed him a smile.

With that Natsume planted a kiss on Mikan and as if luck was on their side at that exact same moment the fireworks for Mikan's party went off. There they ended under the continuous flashes of light of the fireworks. An unsettled loathing ended with them in each other's arms.

* * *

**The End. Sorry if it wasn't good.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Moon. Definitely not!**


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